she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think I just sharted jello shots
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize