Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
