you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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