I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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