Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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