he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
