I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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