So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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