i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize