There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
