Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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