There was a lot of him and a little penis
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
