i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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