11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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