You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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