If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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