If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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