Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
