"it" just moved
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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