Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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