worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
