Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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