currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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