vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
