My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Randomize
