one might say we're banned from that church
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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