My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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