Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
