Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
