Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
