There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
