I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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