All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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