I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
