god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
