His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
