apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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