I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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