thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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