we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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