totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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