Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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