I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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