i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
