honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
