dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
