Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
