I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is Oprah even human
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize