Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Shame is for Republicans.
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