Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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