It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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