Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
