Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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