his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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