check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
