Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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