dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize