I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
