Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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