Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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