reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
