You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
