in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
