Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
