Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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