I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
