You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
