The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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