After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
