I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
