Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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