I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
