I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize