My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
