Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
