Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
